As I'm sure you're all aware, I'm not actually good at this game. I merely utilize an age-old technique known as ''spamming'' to cheaply and unfairly give myself the edge over an unwitting opponent. I strongly advise anyone who wants to fairly win all of their matches to avoid this guide much as one would the plague, Snake's grenades, or in Mafia's case, every move other than Forward Smash (because he's a REAL man).
Let us begin.
What is Spamming?
Spamming, as defined by a certain special someone whom I shall not name, is performing actions or mechanics within a game that are repeatedly and exceptionally effective, much to the great fury and disappoint of your opponent. These actions can be anything from reading your opponent's roll, spacing, edgeguarding, thinking up strategies as you play, chain-grabbing, or simply using the same move over and over because your opponent is simply too fucking stupid to stop getting hit by it. These tactics are generally cheap, shameless and just plain homo. But as an aspiring spammer, these are all things you just have to accept. The constant victory starts to outweigh the feeling of shame after a while.
How do I spam?
Spamming is a tricky thing to do correctly. It is, in it's own way, an art. Many would have you believe it's as simple as pointing your control stick towards your opponent and rolling your face on your controller. However, the experienced spammer knows better. The first step is having an appropriate tag. When choosing a tag, try to go for one that is offensive or otherwise humiliating to your opponent, any spectators, or passerby. I'm not going to help you out with this one, just get creative. However, racial slurs and slang names for human genitalia are a good place to start.
The second step is to develop your playstyle. Consider the character you are playing. Consider the character you are fighting. Consider the player you are up against. Spamming generally works best when you are playing someone of a lower skill level/intellect/self-esteem level/social class than yourself. Please make sure the person you are fighting is vastly inferior to you before you resort to spamming. Otherwise you may want to refer to Mafia's Guide on How to Play Like a Man and Win Every Time
After you've confirmed that your opponent is worth less in human capital than every person ever to grace Death Row, proceed to spam. Choose your moves (or should I say, move) carefully. Make sure they are all of the following 3 things: effective, easy to perform, and downright infuriating. These of course, include ''death sentence'' moves (credit to Mafia again for coining this wonderful term). Or, in layman's terms: moves that are fast, powerful, and again, exceptionally annoying. Prime examples of said moves include Kirby's back-air, Snake's forward-tilt, and placing your character selection chip on Meta Knight. If these moves are effective, continue to use them until you are the only person still left standing on the stage. If they are not effective, repeat step two until step three becomes effective.
That's it for the beginner's guide to spamming. These are all the basics. I hope you all get out there and do your very best to make people want to hang you.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: My spamming isn't working! What do I do?
A: What? That doesn't make any sense. Please ensure you have successfully completed all three steps of the spamming process as according to my very specific directions. If you are sure you have done these things, and are 100% certain you are doing them correctly, you may have to accept the reality that your opponent is not a dumb sack of shit and is probably better than you.
Q: I don't think I'm making my opponent angry enough. How could I better achieve this goal?
A: Pissing off your opponent is an integral and necessary part of the spamming process, but again, I cannot directly help you with this. All I can say is, be sure to talk while you play. Loudly spout unpopular internet memes and direct insults when you nail your enemy with a forward smash. Keep an eye out for every possible opportunity to humiliate them. Discredit their small victories. If you get KO'd, blame the controller. When you get a KO, be sure to mention that you totally read that shit.